When I Grow Up...

I have always been envious of ambitious people; people who have known what their dreams have been since they were three. They knew what they wanted to be when they grew up and they went after it. Whether it is some grand occupational plan, to sing, play piano, be a competitive athlete or an artist. I wasn’t given any of those obvious talents and have always wished I had a dream since I was three of becoming something amazing.

One of my most treasured and favorite books as a little girl was a Little Golden Book called Baby Dear by Eloise Wilkin. It was a sweet story of a little girl who has a new baby sister. She was given a baby doll to care for while her mommy cares for the real baby. She would do all the things the mom would do with the new baby with her own little baby doll. They bathed them together, sang to them together, rocked them together, and took them on walks together. Side by side this little girl mimicked everything the mom did. I’m not sure why as a little girl I was so taken with this book. The illustrations are just precious and the story was so adorable. I had a new baby sister and maybe that is why my mom got me that book. My original book lost the front cover and is well worn. I have since bought another copy because it is that dear to me. It is clear to me now why I loved that book so much. It was who I wanted to be. I wanted to be a mom even when I was that little.

Last fall my mom came to visit and brought me a CD of songs that I listened to all the time when I was a kid called Songs for a Mormon Child. One of my favorites was called “I Want to be a Mother”. The lyrics are:

When I grow up, I want to be a mother and have a family

One little, two little, three little babies of my own.

Of all the jobs, for me I’ll choose no other! I’ll have a family

Four little, five little, six little babies in my home.

I put the CD in to listen to it and when that song came on I just started to cry. It dawned on me that from a young age that was all I wanted to do was become a mother. That was my dream and my ambition. And now I was doing it. I'm livin' my dream.

I do love being a mom. It feels like my soul purpose in life. I am not good at every part of being a mom but some parts I am. I look at my house and wonder what happened to the clean organized life I used to have. When it was just Ryan and I, I was clean and organized. I remember being pregnant with Aidan and being so desperately sad when I couldn’t lean over the tub anymore to clean it. Now, cleaning my tub is not at the top of my priority list. I’m just grateful for the days my kids are fed, have clean clothes and, are in bed at a decent time.

It is harder to be a mom than I ever imagined. I would like to say I gave up everything to be a mom but I really didn’t. It is what I always wanted so I don’t think I have sacrificed anything to be a mom. I have sacrificed my figure and my sanity but I had no other dream, no other ambition, no other career path other than this one. So sacrifice isn’t how I would describe being a mom for me. It definitely has shown me my weaknesses and my faults but it has also shown me some strengths and most of all the power and joy of love.

I am so grateful to be a mom. It truly is my dream and ambition. I am so happy I have such wonderful children and that I get to be their mom forever.